So we come to the end of June, numerically the middle of the year and I take it upon myself to regale in my usual custom of assessing the years cinematic content so far. It’s been a relatively weak summer so far, with only one tent-pole picture really standing out (no prizes for guessing which one), with many efforts from earlier in the year filling out the rest of my top ten.
So then – to business:
10. Red Cliff (Parts 1 & 2)
It may seem obvious to some people that since John Woo has been making nothing but crap since arriving in the states, then the only way for him to return to form was to go back to China. But despite this, it’s still taken an age for ‘The Woo’ to get back to his old tricks. So what’s to love about this? It’s 280 minutes long, about as subtle as a Bus filled with the Bush administration, and pretty much rewrites the cliché book. But it’s also uproariously, glorious, over-the-top fun, done in a style that Woo had invented, trademarked, patented, and therefore can totally get away with. Watch it for the battles, the absolutely stunning military tactics, and widescreen shots of stereotypical Chinese warlords stroking their beards. Distinct lack of doves though…
9. TimeCrimes
Most of you may not have heard of this one. A Spanish time-travel crime thriller, made on a micro-budget with a straight-to-DVD release in the UK. It’s also the most mind-blowingly complex and original thing to play with traditional narrative since Memento, and it very likely comes across as the better film. Trying to get into the details with the plot is an exercise in futility, there are multiple strands all running along, often at the same time, but it never slows down, never leaves you too confused but still refuses to spoon feed or second guess its audience. It’s a masterpiece of pulp cinema, information overload, and definite winner of the ‘should-have-been-an-anime’ award.
8. I Love You, Man
Slapping the Base. That is all I shall say.
7. Two Lovers
Here Joaquin Phoenix plays Leonard, torn between love for his hard-to-sell-to-the-parents neighbour, and the girl his parents are trying to sell to him. It’s bitterly sad, and at times frustratingly obtuse, but never pretentious. There is no wallowing in melodrama or a need to get things in a happier frame of mind. If love hurts, then this is the ‘Saw’ of films, with emotionally heart-ripping moments, carried only by the best acting Joaquin Phoenix has ever performed. If this is his last movie then he’s gone out on a career high, but it is a shame to see, considering that he just might have heralded himself as the next big thing…
6. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
David Fincher doesn’t make small films. He infuses them with gargantuan running times (162min for Zodiac, 166min for Benjamin Button), a level of research that could only be akin to obsession, and with a technical skill so subtly fine-tuned, that for the most part you don’t even realise you’re staring millions of dollars worth of state-of-the-art special effects in the face. You cannot praise Benjamin Button without first praising the effects, that both Pitt and Blanchett play their respective roles aged 6-60 is nothing short of flabbergasting. That you don’t notice this due to the storytelling skill of both actors and director, even more so. Yes the story is bordering on schmaltzy, and the film does have a tendency to revel in itself on a few occasions but it is never anything short of a powerful character piece, and that is why it sticks with you, and you stick with it. All 166 minutes of it.
5. Sunshine Cleaning
How do you get a feel-good comedy out of a business revolving around cleaning up after messy crime-scenes, usually brutal murders by their very nature? Easy, get the team behind ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ in to do it for you. Get Amy Adams and Emily Blunt to work up some insanely enjoyable chemistry with each other, throw in Alan Arkin to play… well… Alan Arkin and huzzah! You have your movie. It’s not all sunshine however, as the subject matter, as you could imagine, does throw up some dark clouds, and the movie isn’t always up to the challenge of addressing them as they should be, but gosh darn does it do well in providing a jolly romp down backwater streets of New Mexico that forces you to leave the movie theatre with a smile on your face.
4. Up
Pixar it seems, can do no wrong. By taking concepts that are absolutely guaranteed to make the executives of a lesser studio sweat with anxiety (one can imagine their complaints “but it’s original! Original is risky!”), they have been able to craft some of the most loved modern fairytales that made Disney a household name with the old ones. Up befits this mission statement beautifully, the tale of a grumpy old man and his (asian?) young scout sidekick on an adventure to the forests of South America in his house suspended by helium balloons is wonderfully wacky, yet weighted with a heart, not too sentimental, but enough to matter and be taken seriously. The action-packed final act, with Christopher Plummer possibly in a defining role of his career is another step towards perfection, the path of which Pixar are yet to turn from. Keep it ‘Up’!
3. The Class
Forget the misleading trailer, this is not Dangerous Minds in French. There will be none of that American sentimentality in this classroom. Instead, what we have is a brutal study of the modern school system, taken from a multiracial class of no-hopers, whose quick attention spans mean they quickly forget the efforts their teacher pours upon them, to try to get them to overcome their racial differences and their lower-class backgrounds. The staffroom is given as much focus as the classroom, showcasing that teachers have their hands tied by this failing system, and the truth is, they hate the students as much as the students hate them. Its hard viewing, but riveting all the same, and unlike the students of the titular room, you’ll be paying attention to the very end.
2. Let The Right One In
Forget Twilight, this is the romantic vampire film of the season. The tale of 10-year old Oskar, living in the cold, dark, foreboding atmosphere of mid-winter Stockholm in 1982, discovering that there is just something not quite right about his new next door neighbours. ‘The Burbs’ this ain’t, but instead a mature, well-paced, beautifully shot and acted masterpiece about young love, in whatever twisted form it decides to take. Despite it’s sedate pace and lack of Hollywood ‘boo’ moments, it still packs more than enough chills to linger long after viewing, and that underwater ending shot will be a moment you recall for life. Go see it.
1. Star Trek
Could it really have been anything else? The purists have said their piece, the hardcore trekkies have bemoaned the obvious, the haters have listed the many plot holes (and there are many), the thin story, the lack of intelligence when compared to previous Star Trek movies, and that is where the mistake is made. This was not intended to be compared to the other Star Trek movies, this is a brand new beast, born of the ashes of the old franchise, and one that has been embraced by a new generation of fans (box office at $350million and counting). But despite this, it is still Star Trek, it still is a celebration of all things Human, our nature to explore, our friendships to nurture, our need to ‘boldly go’. It was enough that when our old Spock does turn up and invoke the “Live Long… And Prosper”, the sound of thousands of Trekkies hearts stopping could be heard from one end of this reviewers IMAX screen to the next. This is what summer blockbusters should be.
I like a man in uniform – just not ALL of the uniforms…
So what do you get when a nurse meets a fireman, who bump into a paramedic, are arrested by a member of the LAPD, before all being rescued by a lifeguard? No it is not some random joke with a surreal punch-line (but it could be – better start thinking…), but instead a party in a typical London flat, wherein all invitees to said party were only allowed entry to the building if they were dressed in some authoritative uniform of sorts. Hence the many sexy nurses, biohazard removal teams, and boring people dressed in suits (either CIA, or a member of CTU working for Jack Bauer) who couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort.
It was an odd assortment, all due to Jane and her birthday wish, that since ageing is an emergency, all the emergency services were required to act upon it. Quite inspired really, but all it resulted in was a whole bunch of dancing authority figures screaming and piling out on to the street scaring pedestrians and (as we referred to them that night), ‘civilians’.
Still thinking of that punchline…
Doctors and nurses - always a competition!
Lifeguards unite!
CSI anyone?
Someone cancelled Baywatch!!!
Yes - I do enjoy stroking my truncheon...
Uniform orgy!
My breath can't be THAT bad???
For all those upside-down wing mirrors...
Uniforms and bootay - what a combo!
Don't... even... ask...
Wow! He can wash me down with his hose any day!
I think I may have just invented the worst shot ever!
How insulting! I KNOW what it means - no need for the explanation at the bottom!
Now THAT is what you call multi-tasking!
I'm AT it again!
Rupesh, the gay-hunter... uh... I mean game-hunter...
How many shit's before he could finish his gun I wonder?
Things go down better with Unicum!
Looks like his gay hunting was a success!!!
The lifeguard, confiscating beach booze of course!
Auschwitz had left a sad, despairing mood in our spirits, and while we were all eager to have visited the place, none of us could admit to being glad about it, just merely happy it was over. The raging hunger didn’t help lighten our spirits, and the two hour train ride (stopping and starting every… five… seconds…) didn’t help much either.
Joy was first to raise a smile however, upon returning to the city centre, her hubby and fellow photographer aficionado Tony was waiting for us. Having already been busy in various other parts of the continent, he had decided to join us in Krakow on this late hour, to engage in further sightseeing, food hunting, and just all round blokeyness.
There wasn’t much more to see in the city centre that we hadn’t already devoured with our polished lens, but we did scramble the markets for anything colourful before retiring back to the hostel, having a nap (concentration camps can take it out of you) and deciding to spend our last night in town enjoying kosher cuisine in the Jewish quarter. We picked a rather expensive, but tasteful place, with a warm and cosy atmosphere, pictures dotting the wall, a real fireplace, and live music from a classic band, with local acoustic instruments, it was absolutely wonderful.
With some kroners still lining our pockets, we hit the fashionable bars of the neighbourhood, of which there seemed to be an endless supply (the Polish, it seems, drink almost as much as the British!). The local prices were also too good to turn down. For about £12 we were able to purchase an entire litre bottle of vodka, at the bar, and all the mixers we could want to make the night last. From what I can remember it lasted pretty nicely, although flying back to London with a hangover was a complete bitch!
Tony had managed to catch up to our merry band of travellers...
The title of this entry is enough to invoke some of the most appalling and horrific imagery from anyone on the planet, regardless of age, geographical location and social background, such is the power of the worst crime in history and how it is scarred into so many of us even if we have no obvious connection to it. Being human, and being ‘aware’ of it is enough of a connection, one which should help propel us to a future where it can never happen again.
Ironic then, that the day our group decides to visit the most famous concentration camp in the world, where the Nazi’s murdered millions of Jews, turns out to be beautifully sunny, with a perfect temperature maintained by a pleasant breeze, and the scarred, muddy red bricks of the camp itself, used to house prisoners by the thousands in conditions so terrible as to be almost indescribable, were framed beautifully by a lawn of grass showing the first signs of a beautiful meadow forming, with daisies and other handsome flora emerging from the under-grass.
It was a relief that the day was so lovely, as the tour itself was so bleak (and rightly so) that I don’t think I could have handled it, if it had been mixed in with a stereotypical soviet winter setting, with overcast grey skies, snow and sludge dirtying the ground, battered, dead black trees lining the bland landscape, and a harsh Siberian wind freezing any appendage that is foolishly uncovered.
The tour itself, was a beast in its own right. Lasting five hours, without any sitting breaks, stops for the toilet, or chances to grab a snack. The thinking behind this is that the prisoners of the camp could not stop for these basic needs, so why should we? By the end of the tour Jasper had a look in his eyes that warned me not to step within five paces lest I be devoured by his huge Filipino appetite, but joking aside, it was a stunningly astute move to get us to appreciate the tour.
Many ‘tourists’ were reduced to tears as we past the concrete wall where hundreds of Jews were shot, merely for being unsuitable to the work, or when the place was just getting too crowded. The wall was decommissioned however, when the gas chambers were brought in. Walking through that damp, dark space, knowing that hundreds of thousands of people had been murdered in that very room… chilling is not a strong enough word.
One can never say they enjoy a trip to Auschwitz, but one can be enlightened by it, and most importantly, be reminded of the horrors of the past. Anyone that goes here, knows all so well that it could so easily all be repeated. Let’s hope it never happens…
Steve, obviously fascinated by the Polish scenery...
Me, obviously fascinated by the lens...
Horrible facts posted at the entrance...
Prisoners were cruelly told that beyond this gate was their 'freedom'.
One of the many guard towers, stationed with armed guards no doubt...
The barracks, upstairs was work houses, ground floor was the 'accomodation', where they were packed in so tight you couldn't stretch without hitting four others, and the basement, where many were locked in to simply starve to death...
Original part of the concrete wall where hundreds were shot to death...
Life continues to grow here...
Double fences meant no escape...
Yes, that is what you think it is...
The gas chambers, no photos were allowed inside but; why would you want to?
The entrance to the larger camp at Auschwitz, infamously iconic.
The memorial monument, not that it could ever do justice but it helps.
Collapsed detainment houses, the SS tried to destroy as many as they could before they fled, but despite this many remain.
Pillars of the furnaces, all that remain of many of the barracks, they could almost be grave-stones in themselves...
As with most cities in Europe that didn’t have seven shades of shit bombed out of them during World War II (a category that sadly London does not fall into), the regions are strewn with old buildings, usually churches or long terraced streets, often at what seems like random placements, designed to surprise the observational traveller who is brave enough not to consult the map every five seconds (a category that sadly I do not fall into).
The random placements can be explained by the fact that city planners in the 1400’s didn’t have to worry about cars, traffic and rush hour, a street fit for the occasional horse-drawn carriage would suffice, with capillaries of winding alleyways retreating from them, often about as wide as a person, all in order to fit in as much square footage of business into as small a space as possible. And it does make for some fantastic exploring opportunities as Krakow gradually opened its winding streets to our merry band of intrepid explorers, like some wonderful fantasy Nintendo game that just revealed a hidden world within its beautifully programmed interior.
After looming in the shadow that was the massive Wawel castle, we encountered the old towns central main square, complete with the obligatory market stalls, horse-carriages, walking advertisements (note the free beer dude - Piwo Gratis indeed!) and a McDonalds. The tallest church in the region housed a rather morbid statue of Jesus on the cross, which prompted a picture below which, I am sure you will agree, with have us all sent to hell the moment we depart this mortal coil. Further mocking of the stone carvings ensued, with the silly atmosphere reaching fever pitch when turbans got involved (you’ll see what I mean below).
Our group finally calmed down when we found the local mall, apart from my other half Jasper, who squealed with Mariah-Carey-esque high-pitched delight as soon as he discovered he could engage in some retail therapy. I feared that he would spend all night in the bland commercial landscape, but he was happy to merely gorge on some ice-cream and get the tram back to the hostel for some serious kip, since we were all rather tired and had another long day of sight-seeing to do the next day.
And trust me it would be the kind of day that we would need a full nights rest for…
The tallest structure around...
I need a verdict. Short hair or long hair for me?
All smiles!
I was too scared to ask for directions...
Wouldn't be a European city without a tram!
Uncanny resemblance! First of many sadly...
We are SO going to hell for this one...
1.45pm, exactly... Scary.
More resemblances...
Love how every corner reveals... another corner!
I'm a Lech fan, apparently...
I didn't know what a Gargantua was, but I know I wanted one...
My new best friend...
This is what too much 'Gargantua' does to you...
The world's first 10-star hotel???
Jasper's last great hope - the mall...
Taste's better than it looks...
My mission - to go to ALL of them! Except Bratislava. Don't fancy that one...
